Thursday, 7 June 2012

From Tony Burgess on Tumblr: Conflict Resolution From A Faith Perspective, For Everyone

Conflict Resolution From A Faith Perspective, For Everyone

It's interesting how I came across this just when I'm in most need of this kind of little rap on the head.

How I deal with confrontations is rather paradoxical. I'd very easily take up arms and storm the neighbour's house should they be causing too much noise at "Why the heck are you still making such a racket"-o'clock. I've been known to storm across the road to yell at production crews shooting TV shows or movies at a neighbour's house if their lights and/or undue noise (meaning voices or any other sound not belonging to actors saying lines or doing whatever they're required for a scene) disturbs my peace.

More personal matters are another thing entirely.

This blog entry, again by tonyburgess on Tumblr, reminded me of the importance of certain confrontations. Fortunately, the situation I'm in is not as extreme as that which he has mentioned where ties must be cut. But it did hit home when he said
No one likes dealing with issues, sometimes we brush things off so we don't have to think about conflict.
Which I am often guilty of, sometimes to my own detriment. There are people and things that drive me nuts but I can't ever seem to bring myself to confront these issues, often because I find I'd rather suck it in and move on rather than talk it out. I've never had a very good history with confrontations and conflicts so in a way, I suppose it's me trying to run away from having to deal with something I'm simply terrible at.

Bondage breaking is a term we like to use for this and I must admit I am guilty of doing partial breaks and then allowing the whole matter to pop up again if anything related happens. Part of it sometimes comes from the fact that I give things too much thought and eventually I manage to reason out why it is reasonable to just let it all go.

My husband has been weaning me out of it. So far he's succeeded in getting me to talk to him about things that bug me, whatever it might be and whoever it might be about, including him. It's a slow learning process but we're learning.

I can be highly insensitive when it comes to certain things which is probably part of the fuel that keeps me from confronting others when I ought to. The fear that by expressing my side of matters I may unduly injure someone else does haunt me, especially when I do know where they're coming from.

This is odd behaviour for someone who very bluntly declares herself to be selfish but the truth of the matter is that I am always wracked with guilt if anything I do or say may hurt a person I care about.

Confrontation, on my part, often depends on the gravity of the situation and the degree of affinity to the person involved. Usually, the more I care for the person, the more likely I am to make excuses for them. Not really a good thing especially if it comes to me swallowing my unhappiness in exchange. That was part of the reason several old friendships died in the past, a trap I wish to avoid falling into this time around.

So yes, learning to suck it in this time--and saying what I feel I need to, trusting that those surrounding me now are the kind who would understand.

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