I am focused so completely on my son that I think of nothing else.
Then I realise I need to take care of loads other things.
And then I go back to focusing on my son.
An entire year of this has driven me crazy. Not a particularly bad crazy but the kind of crazy that needs at least an hour of me time and a dose of primping every day. I kid you not.
I chose to be a SAHM (stay at home mom), make no mistake about that. I am not good at hiring the right people and judging someone based on a resume is just not enough. I do not have the confidence that I can hire the right person to care for my son when I have failed several times over to find the right person to clean our house and care for my cats and dogs. I can only thank the Lord that it has never happened that any harm came to us beyond theft of material possessions.
Clearly this disqualifies me from hiring a nanny at this point though I do realise and accept that we will need to hire one in the future when we decide to add to the brood.
I am so glad that now I can let my son run somewhat loose around the house. "Somewhat" because there are still places and things he is not allowed to handle. But we try to manage and adjust because my mommy brain is starting to short circuit.
I see so many things that need cleaning, fixing, and organizing. I see things worth salvaging for crafting and things that are in want of upcycling.
I see our sole helper moving at a glacial pace and need to get things done more efficiently because while I am grateful for her presence, I see things left not done or not done right. But she cooks and occasionally dotes on my four-footed kids. That is a definite gold star in my book. Two gold stars, even.
There is nothing wrong inherently with this mommy brain I whine about but it also seems to be hardwired to create an envoronment I failed to finish providing during my nesting phase. So we have an extension.
My mommy brain wants it all to be as clean and organised an environment for my kid(s) as it was for me.
And my mommy brain wants a little bit of time out.
So together, we seek out these little projects. We take breaks when the little one calls for milk and cuddles and play time. We keep trying to get things done and we do get them done some times. And at night, we get a good night's sleep knowing we completed another step going towards that goal: keeping mommy brain healthy.