Thinking unclearly

I just realised I'm not the most opinionated person in the world.

Okay, this would probably fall under the category of misnomers or something.

It is one of the quirks of my personality that I often find myself unable to express my thoughts as clearly as I'd like so I usually end up not giving my opinion on anything. It is so bad that I have come to accept it as a matter of course that I am misunderstood whether it's for off-hand comments or serious tirades.

I'm sure there are people who would not take it lying down and those who know me would be surprised with how many times I have taken such misunderstandings in stride.

I have long since come to terms with the fact that I have a very strange way of putting things together in my head. If you have been reading my blog from all the way back, you'll remember my Chiz Curls story where I miraculously found the solution to an architectural problem by consuming a bag of Chiz Curls. Just recently, a friend gleefully informed me that I had successfully freaked out some freshers by switching easily between my own self and the character I played last Monday.

(Note: It is a matter of pride for me that, and I believe this is because I can write stories, I have the theatrical ability of switching between characters in an instant. I have no idea how many other people have that claim to fame but I am proud to say that I can do it. That is all.)

It is not often that I am able to strike the balance between thinking through what I wish to say and thinking things through so long that I forget what I want to say. More often than not, I prefer to err on the side of not thinking before I speak just so I can at least get what I want to say out of the way and then explain myself afterward...if given the chance to do so, of course. This method has won and lost me friends and other types of relationships but the result of risking this is that the friends I now have actually do understand--or at least try to--the meaning behind the insane and inane things I blurt out.

It is, admittedly, a huge relief to be able to speak as openly as I dare. And right now, it's my husband who gets the brunt of every single mood swing and rant.

He knew what he was getting into. ^_~

He's been trying to help me channel it all properly so I am not afraid to say my thoughts out loud to people but at the same time, be able to honestly say what I feel and mean. I have confessed to him that it is one of the hardest challenges I have to overcome and of course, he's with me all the way on this one.

And as far as the actual matter of the opinion goes? Well, let's leave that one off for another entry.