Monday, 23 July 2012

Positive Thinking

I am hardly the best advocate for this because I tend to straddle the line between pragmatism and pessimism. I find, however, that I have suddenly been thrust in the role of doing my best to be the beacon of positivity in the family.

Oh the irony. And the music.

Truth be told, my family is often deceived into thinking that I'm more of a loose cannon than I actually am, while at work, people are deceived into thinking I'm a pushover and nicer than I really am. Only my friends have seen both sides of this particular quirk of my personality.

It has, I think, surprised my family how stubbornly I cling to certain hopes and thoughts. What they don't see  is the strain it puts me through to keep up that face and that belief. *sigh*

This is not to say that I have never wavered  in my belief in the Lord's plans. Of course I have. As a human being, there have been times when I've questioned the things that have gone on and are going on my life. I don't always see the bigger picture or have no idea what these things would even have to do with the bigger picture. And I complain. A lot. Boy, do I complain.

And then I get a grip.

Because really, what parent would want his/her child to go astray, fall, or fail? It will be my choice whether I want to listen or not, but choosing to listen and to believe in His plans for me has never failed, no matter how much I may think, at the moment (sh)it occurs, it has. There are lessons to be learned whether or not I obey, perhaps contingency plans for when I suddenly realise, recognise, and respect His wisdom.

It's a tough choice to make to follow somewhat blindly, but listening to His voice telling me that it is all for the best assuages the fear. Somewhat. Hey, I never claimed to be a perfect follower or the most obedient one, and this has earned me my share of I told you so's.

I just wish they would believe as much as they say they do because I can't believe for them.

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