Monday, 14 September 2015

Another one for "What's not in the books"

I am an only child with limited chances to observe real-life siblings. For most of my life anyway. But I did always think that having siblings would be a wonderful thing, despite all my friends' complaints about theirs.

I understood that there were a lot of things different between myself and my friends who grew up with siblings. I don't believe I missed out on anything but even as a child, I liked the idea of having more than one kid when it came time for me to become a mother. (Yes, I was already thinking along those lines even as a kid.)

The one thing I didn't count on is all the wondering if I would be able to give my second child the same amount of attention that I gave my first.

All the articles I've read cover how the love you have for your first child will not diminish when the succeeding children arrive, but no one has yet said anything about the time and attention spent on the first kid versus the next ones.

With Llew, his dad and I took turns caring for him directly 24/7 for about 90% of his first two years. He went on business meetings with us where he would either be sleeping in his dad's arms or nursing in mine. He was hardly ever held by anyone other than myself or his dad and we would wear him for hours whenever we were out of the house.

The game changes drastically by the end of this month. It will be him plus a newborn and I continue to wonder how we will manage to give both the attention they deserve.

I marvel at those mothers who manage a toddler and a newborn all alone. I'm so used to having my husband helping me out that I don't know how I can even maintain my sanity in such a situation. And the truth is, when we found out about my second pregnancy, made the adjustment to take on an extra pair of hands. Officially our kid's nanny, but also functioning as a kind of personal assistant for the two of us in managing the household. And while we adjust to life with a newborn, one of my aunts will also be onboard to help handle the newborn while the nanny handles the toddler.

Officially, I told workmates that I'll be on a sort of "maternity leave" while we figure things out. Thankfully, the perk of owning the business means I can easily pop in and out as necessary with massive allowances for selecting where the meetings will be held and what time. The not perk of it is that I do still have to mind all the reports through bleary eyes, probably at odd hours, and pray to God that my brain functions well enough to process all the information I'm taking in so I can make intelligent decisions and suggestions.

Which reminds me that there's actually also a third "baby" involved if I'm to count work. Another ten babies if I'm to include our pets...but I digress.

I don't know if I'm over-complicating things by worrying how my toddler would feel if we go out and leave him behind but bring the newborn. Or if we are really to commit ourselves to having a full cast of characters in the car whenever we leave the house for any reason: the newborn, the toddler, and his nanny.

I don't know if I'm over-complicating things by worrying if my toddler will grow jealous of the newborn if I might, for some reason, find myself being short with him when I am at my worst. Or if that will even happen at all.

There are so many questions in the back of my head that I can't even articulate right now. But they're there. Hovering.

The one certainty is that this is will be an entirely new journey and an entirely new learning curve. Good luck to us.

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