Tuesday, 11 September 2012

First Time Paranoia

Ah... I said I'd do a massive August update but discovering that I can blog quickly and not get disconnected or timed out has brought on the urge to quick-post anyway.

I will still post that update though. I didn't work on those images for nothing!

I thought my paranoia would lessen once I could feel my baby moving but no. In fact, I have found myself pinpointing the times when he is most active so I know when best to wait for those tell-tale movements that will give me the signal I need to know he's okay.

It's incredible though that he seems to have a fairly regular schedule. Like clockwork he is active from about 9:30pm up to 11:00pm. Because my husband has been ill the past days, I found out that 2:00am to 4:00am are also active periods for him. The latter makes me laugh as these are traditionally known as the "witching hours." Oh dear.

This increased watchfulness isn't the most mentally soothing, I must confess. I question and guard myself more. "Am I doing the right things?" "Eating well enough? Too much? Too little?"

I confessed this paranoia in the journal I'm writing for my baby--yes, I already have one--and that it will probably be worst for him since he is the first. We do plan on having more, but for now, we are learning and learning isn't always quick or easy especially when it comes to human lives.

That said, though, the joy I feel whenever I am jolted awake by a kick, the comfort I find in feeling him respond to my touch, voice, or music, and the excitement of finally being able to hold him in my arms in sixteen weeks' time...I say the paranoia and stress is worth it.

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