Almost a month since I gave birth. I told myself that I would take two months off for my "maternity leave" but I'm not sure I can handle it. The good news for me is that my newborn's temperament seems to take well to me working while he naps in the stroller. Kind of makes me wish we had a crib, actually, so he can rest on a cooler surface. I suppose I can put him beside me in the co-sleeper though. There's a thought.
That said, I do admit I've been slowly preparing myself to start working again. I've gotten myself back on LinkedIn and I already submitted an initial feature piece to a magazine I aim to regularly freelance for--freelance because I'm not sure I can fully commit to a 9 to 5 since I do still have other involvements and businesses I need to deal with but we shall see how it goes.
I also have to admit that I have some mommy guilt over this restlessness. I'm perfectly happy being a work from home mother, perfectly happy considering myself primarily a housewife, but my creative side is itching for some activity. The way things are, with two children alternately needing my attention, I've so little energy left to scratch that particular itch.
How do mothers who work outside the home handle this? That is the mystery to me right now. I want to observe some working mother for a day...or maybe a week...and find out what their secrets are.
Don't get me wrong though: I still see it as a major blessing that my husband and I are involved in work that allows us to be highly flexible with our schedules and time, plus the perk of being able to bring our kids along if and when we need to. But now I miss that part of me that existed before I became mommy. I'd forgotten to indulge that side of me when we were dealing with our firstborn's first year, and then while we were building our businesses and investments during his second year. Ironic for me, to be honest, that I now find myself trying to balance being me and being mommy during our second child's first year. At the moment though, I feel that's what I need to do so I can be a more effective and better mother to him.
Day at a time. Day at a time.