Thursday, 9 January 2014

One year. Really?

I remember feeling the same way in August when I marvelled at the fact that my last blog entry was in July. Today I'm recognizing the fact it's been a year since I became a mom.

It has been a very difficult year. Growing as a couple is made doubly (at least!) hard with a child. Chances to discuss the day's events, plans, etc. are cut short constantly or put on hold indefinitely. Nearly everything revolves around the baby. We have been very fortunate to have friends who still have us over even when we have "extra baggage" in tow.

This is not to say I thought it would be easy. There is no one right way to raise a child; it would be so simple if there were. But these are tiny humans, each wired differently and there is no predicting whether they will respond differently or not to certain things.

The world has gone completely mad as far as I am concerned. What little sanity I have, I pour now into crafting myself anew. Self-confidence runs quite low when all the time I have to spare away from the baby I have to spend on household concerns rather than pampering myself the way I ought. That said, I have now demanded I have at least an hour to myself for baths, and a spare half hour to preen. My mental, emotional, and psychological stability have never hinged so precariously on the edge. The Bible is the Bible, but now I've added multiple other references focused on the outside beauty assisting and supporting the inside.

I must say I've never spent so much in cosmetics before. I'm working on bringing back Fabulous Fridays. With a vengeance. I'm learning so much from experimenting and from sharing tips and tricks with other moms interested in not allowing motherhood to get in the way of looking good.

That is step one at the moment. Things will never be as they were before but it's either I allow myself to get swallowed up by the change or I take it into stride and take care of myself too. I choose the latter.

This not to say that being a mom isn't a wonder and a wonderful blessing. It is. But it's so easy to be caught in the cycle of ignoring and forgetting my needs and wants when I've chosen to be a full-time mom. In fact, I'm already contemplating a blog address change since the "career" portion of my tag has become less and less the focus. Mothers who work outside the home have that advantage, I feel. They get more clearly defined time off for themselves so it makes me think it's easier to work outside the home in that sense. I know they have their own stresses; this is merely me pondering what kind of green the grass is like on the other side of the fence.

I've never wanted extra hands and arms more desperately. So much to do, so little time. So much to prepare too. But all in good time and all in God's time. Nothing like a dose of realising this to sober me up and make me remember I, too, am a human who needs to be cared for. Who best to do it than me?

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