Oh the irony. And the music.
Truth be told, my family is often deceived into thinking that I'm more of a loose cannon than I actually am, while at work, people are deceived into thinking I'm a pushover and nicer than I really am. Only my friends have seen both sides of this particular quirk of my personality.
It has, I think, surprised my family how stubbornly I cling to certain hopes and thoughts. What they don't see is the strain it puts me through to keep up that face and that belief. *sigh*
This is not to say that I have never wavered in my belief in the Lord's plans. Of course I have. As a human being, there have been times when I've questioned the things that have gone on and are going on my life. I don't always see the bigger picture or have no idea what these things would even have to do with the bigger picture. And I complain. A lot. Boy, do I complain.
And then I get a grip.
Because really, what parent would want his/her child to go astray, fall, or fail? It will be my choice whether I want to listen or not, but choosing to listen and to believe in His plans for me has never failed, no matter how much I may think, at the moment (sh)it occurs, it has. There are lessons to be learned whether or not I obey, perhaps contingency plans for when I suddenly realise, recognise, and respect His wisdom.
It's a tough choice to make to follow somewhat blindly, but listening to His voice telling me that it is all for the best assuages the fear. Somewhat. Hey, I never claimed to be a perfect follower or the most obedient one, and this has earned me my share of I told you so's.
I just wish they would believe as much as they say they do because I can't believe for them.
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