Yet another reformat

I seem to do this often lately, as though I'm trying to work through some kind of past quarter life identity crisis. Which, I'll be honest, I feel like I have been going through since my first child was born.

While I haven't done that much work revising this entire blog yet, I am contemplating one final move and making that the final, solid identity for myself online. About time, right?

This past month has been quite the ride. Feels like it's been a year, to be honest. There was much that I had to review, re-assess, and just generally figure out not just about myself but the life I want to have, how we want our family to be...those kinds of things.

It wasn't an easy year, 2015. Yes, it came with a very welcome reason to celebrate but at the same time, it was a year filled with many upheavals in various aspects of life.

We continue. We move on. We learn. As I've been saying over and over, one day at a time. Here's hoping that my new online home will be the final one but if it's not, well, there's nothing wrong with learning more about myself as I get older, right?

Parenting Rewards

I told myself I would post regularly, at least twice a week, beginning 2016. Unfortunately, my body said, "It's time to take a break," and I have spent most of the first week of 2016 sick and poorly.

And that's actually what this one is about.

There have been so many days when I've felt I failed as a parent. My son doesn't behave as well as I would like him to, he yells, he hits, I've yelled and hit back (and then immediately regretted it but can't show my son lest it destroy any semblance of order that we have even further). We've shed tears apart, and together. I've felt the frustration of wanting to throw in the towel and scream about why I was even blessed with children when I can't handle them.

And then I got sick.

For two days, I could do nothing but lie around in bed. And for two days, my older son, the unruly, yelling, hitting little beast curled up beside me, hugging me and kissing me.

So in the silence, as he lay there with me, sleeping, I hugged him tight. And I cried a little. Because I didn't fail him after all. And that sometimes we have our down days, our dark days, and it happens. We will yell, scream...hopefully stop hitting sooner than later. But I haven't failed even if I feel like I did.

Reclaiming My Son

Wow is this about to get very personal.

In my part of the world, it's actually quite common to hire household help for whom we provide room and board in exchange for their services in cooking, cleaning, and general household maintenance. The labour isn't exactly cheap and it wasn't until just two years ago that the government saw fit to mandate proper laws on the matter. Plus, depending on their pay scale, it is our burden to bear if they fall ill and require extra medical attention and other such unexpected expenses.